So we’ll be the first to admit it—though we may be pictures of immaculate sh*t-togetherness now (kidding, we can hear our moms laughing from here), trips back in time through throwback Facebook albums elicit our fair share of panic-untag-repeat.
The boxed-blonde streaks phase (maybe she’s born with it). The ever-present Abercrombie moose. The acid-wash denim descending into isosceles triangles over Baby Phat shoes. And—perhaps worst of all—regrettable Americana.
Luckily, we’ve acquired a few all-American style icons over the years who do red, white and blue up right (read: shorts that cover the derriere! Sequins left at home! Having the foresight to say no to keg stands!).
In honor of the Fourth of July, we whipped up a star-spangled wish list inspired by their inimitable shopping habits—accessorized with a few illustrations of their likeness, à la Presidential Portrait gallery. Equally as patriotic, in our humble opinion—just fewer miniature spectacles and thinking poses and more classic chambray and Rouge Volupté.
What would the unofficial Queen of the USA wear to celebrate the land of the free and the home of the Bey? Our guess is she opts for a striking string bikini in cherry-red and acetate cat-eye sunnies. Just add fireworks. And a private yacht.
Nothing says all-American girl quite like a gap-toothed grin, a curtain of blonde beach waves and a casual 28 Vogue covers. Our Hutton-inspired picks include a structured twill blazer and wide-leg crepe pants in try-not-to-sit-on-anything ivory.
It’s been 15 years since John F. Kennedy Jr. and his wife Carolyn died tragically in a plane crash, but her timeless wardrobe and superhuman grasp of silhouettes have enshrined her as an American icon. We filled our Bessette-Kennedy shopping cart with classic Tom Ford frames and a spaghetti-strap knit dress.
So we’ve covered the blonde and bombshell contingents—but in the words of Johnny Depp’s laser-altered tattoo, Winona Forever. Nothing says girl next door to us quite like Ryder’s pixie cut and sweet-with-an-edge demeanor. We opted for a burgundy tee and leather choker, because a) nineties and b) subtle Americana for the win.
The meteoric #GirlBoss success story. The whole prep school-made-cool thing that has us buying approximately 1,000 J.Crew button-ups. The Girls cameo. Jenna Lyons is the American dream (and don’t you dare tell us otherwise). Our Lyons-inspired purchases include such not-so-literal patriotism as true-blue chambray topped off with an almost-red lip.
In the words of great wordsmith Dwayne Michael Carter Jr. (a.k.a. Lil Wayne), God bless Amerika.
— Chelsey Burnside