There’s a reason Harry Styles skyrocketed to stratospheric superstardom, and it wasn’t the sub-par X-Factor audition (bring on the hate mail). It wasn’t the sleepy green puppy eyes that now blink out from many a tween-aged Tumblr. And it wasn’t the charming British drawl oozing with the self-confidence of a 16-year-old who knows he’s about to lose his virginity.
It’s the hair. That’s what makes you beautiful, Harry—take a cue from Paris and get those curls insured.
Case in point: that horrific photo of him with straightened hair. The dollar signs just dropped out of Simon Cowell’s eyes like a slot machine.
With tousled-just-so, gravity-defying locks that make Bieber’s bob look about as voluminous as a swimming cap, Harry’s style is nothing without the mop of shaggy, unkempt lusciousness. We also guess it’s probably the reason we can only name one One Direction band member. (It's not our fault Harry’s hair is the superstar sibling casting an unfortunate shadow over the others’ pretty-but-not-quite-pretty-enough locks. We also speculate this was the underlying premise behind the song "Story of my Life.")
The way it gives the illusion of an extra half-foot of height. The way it flips out from under a beanie just so. The way it shoots in all directions like he just emerged from a cyclone, unscathed and better looking than ever. The way he greases it back in a way that should look Joker-esque, but nope, still perfect. The way he thought it was a good idea to make a tiny little ponytail that was more purple hair elastic than hair. The way he could have a family of tiny songbirds nesting in there and we’d never know.
Oh right, the point of this story: Midnight Memories - their new album. Yeah, it comes out this week and we are in full teenaged fangirl mode. Hearts palpitating and palms sweating to degrees meeting (if not exceeding) the Backstreet Boys’ Millennium Tour. So in honor of this momentous occasion for our eyes and our iPods, we’ve outfitted some of our other favorite people (everyone from Barack Obama to RiRi) with Harry’s marvelous mop-top.
Now back to scrolling through slideshows of Harry’s hair—the fact that he was born in 1994 really shouldn’t stand in our way, right? Age is but a bummer.